Halfway Point...
I made it through another weekend. They are so hard when it comes to eating and drinking. I did great on Friday night, actually lost a 1/2 a pound from Friday to Saturday morning.
Saturday night was okay. I did have a red velvet cupcake and a couple martinis.
Sunday was awesome. I had my Yoga training class at SUNY and basically broke down yoga postures for 8 hours. It was great, but I was exhausted from that and boot camp the day before.
Yesterday was a disaster. I had a few cancellations and found extra time on my hands, which allowed myself to let my physically exhausted body just crash on the couch in front of the tube for almost the entire day. Which wouldn't be bad if I didn't always want to EAT in front of the frickin' TV.
It's not even like I can say I ate an entire pizza and a pint of ice cream, no, I just ate too much good stuff cuz that's all that is in my house.
Anyway...
All I wanted to do is cry. Not because I probably ate about 700 calories too many yesterday, but that I feel so out of control when I do. I have no reason to be down or depressed or feel the way I did. My husband says I was simply mentally and physically exhausted from the weekend, and perhaps that is true, but wtf...
Pressure... As a self-proclaimed 'Perfectionist', it is my job, my nature to push myself to the limits. It is like I can't be happy if I am not trying to reach new levels of growth on every level. While some may say this is an admirable trait to have, it also has it's price.
Black & White... to most of us perfectionists, things are either black or white and there is no in between. I know this about myself and have found middle ground over the recent years. However, there are still days...where I just want to throw in the towel and say I don't give a shit. Yesterday was one of them. Today is a new day and I am working my way toward more rational thinking. I am trying to be kinder to myself. It's not that easy coming off a Monday like yesterday.
Biggest Loser? Or Big Loser?... Over the past 24 hours I tried to let some of this pressure off of myself. Setting lofty goals are definately my forte. I usually reach them just because of either the sheer competition or the pressure I put on myself. Can I win this thing? Maybe. Not likely but maybe. Odds were definately against me from day one and the fact that my track has not been 'perfect', they odds get further away. So, now actually admitting that to myself (and whoever reads this) I am faced with the question... do I give up or move forward?...
Yesterday, I would have said give up. But, I know me. One of the positive traits of a perfectionist is we don't give up very easily! I may not end up THE Biggest Loser, but I definately will not be a Big Loser. :)
Thanks for listening. I know this was not my most inspirational blogging. However, maybe someone can identify with one of my low points.
Trace
T- u said that u know this wasn't too inspirational, but actually, it is very! It is good to know that u are human, make mistakes, eat too much, feel bad about it, but still pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on what u know is the right path. I am very proud of the person you have become, and I know that Mom & Dad would be too!!! Keep on keepin' on! Love you and miss you lots sis! -Erin
ReplyDeleteIt typically isn't my style to say or write anything too serious, let alone emotional... it would ruin my reputation of genuine smart ass.. However, I simply must comment at this point. Traci, I find you extremely inspirational. You are such a beautiful woman - inside and out. Your knowlege and drive is to be envied. Your positive energy is contagious. The caring human being that you are is so admirable. I look forward to your blog each day with such great anticipation. I can't wait to see what you're going to say next. Maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle is such a struggle for so many people and it helps me to know that I am not alone. Every day, every meal, is a struggle for me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry that I am headed to where I was before... one hundred pounds heavier and so unhealthy. It is such a comfort to know that you, too, are human... that you do indulge.. that you do live... and that afterwards, you pick yourself up and go on. I just want you to know that the time you have spent sharing a little bit of yourself on your blog has made an enormous difference in my life, and I thank you.
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